Flour Child
Season 2, Episode 4
Air date 11 October 1994
Written by Christopher Lloyd
Directed by James Burrows
Episode guide
The Matchmaker
Dukes, We Hardly Knew Ye
After witnessing a birth, Niles starts to contemplate the idea of becoming a parent himself. Frasier mentions in passing that schools often give teenagers who want to be a parent a bag of flour to look after and watch for a week, and Niles takes the idea seriously and decides to try it. Over the week, the baby is bumped, soaked, set on fire, poked with a chopstick, and finally gored by Eddie the dog. Meanwhile, Frasier is asked to sign a card for a work colleague. He jokingly writes "Dear Clarence, you're not getting older, you're just getting closer to death", before finding to his horror that the card is not for a birthday; Clarence has had a kidney transplant. To avoid embarrassment he has to buy the exact same card, sneak into the hospital to get the old one back, and recreate everyone else's messages letter-for-letter. When returning the card he sees Clarence, who is delighted that Frasier "went to the trouble to visit when the rest of those bums didn't even send [him] a card".

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